my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
