Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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