You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
