I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
