Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
