I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
