I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I fill condoms, not promises.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
