just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
