Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
