I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
