The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
