I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
