The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
