even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
