She said her name was "party"
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
