He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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