Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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