nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
