Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
