I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
my phone needs a breathalizer
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
