he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
