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• (248): View more from Michigan

  im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me

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• (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  why im i the only drunk person in the library?

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• (305): View more from Florida

  I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.

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• (857): View more from Massachusetts

  he had to chose between the booze and condoms

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  what did he choose?

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?

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• (914): View more from New York

  still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing

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• (863): View more from Florida

  Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials

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• (210): View more from Texas

  And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.

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• (718): View more from New York

  We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game

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• (408): View more from California

  MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid

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