when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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