You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
honey bunches of taint.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
