Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
How does one acquire holy water?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
