There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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