All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
