So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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