just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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