Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
