You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
