the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
