So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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