Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Dicks are not precious.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
