a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
