I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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