The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
