so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
