i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
