ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
