just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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