My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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