There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize