I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You brought string cheese to the strip club
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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