Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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