Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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