You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
