I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just made my gag reflex go away.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
