Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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