we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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