Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
