there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The uberlube is also flammable
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
