go do what you do best...puke behind churches
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
