Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
