dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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