why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
