in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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