What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I can text with my tongue
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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