she woke up with a sticky ear
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Be still, my beating vagina.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
