All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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