My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
