Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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