I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
