just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
