roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Randomize
