I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize