You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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