Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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