I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
