I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
